The Pathological Narcissist: Between Dualism, Chaos and the Zen Path
A human chaos attractor that generates continuous disturbances
I have observed for years, through the eyes of a dear friend, how the pathological narcissist is the living incarnation of the most extreme dualism. His existence is a continuous construction of oppositions: victim-perpetrator, love-hate, power-submission. I saw his father create these schemes obsessively, transforming their house into an emotional battlefield.
In chaos theory, a strange attractor is a mathematical model that describes systems that never reach equilibrium, continuously oscillating between different states randomly but following hidden patterns. The pathological narcissist is precisely this: a human chaos attractor that generates continuous disturbances, following repetitive patterns of manipulation and control. I saw this happen in my friend's family: every small event became a pretext to trigger emotional storms that propagated like shock waves through all family members.
Toxic dualism
My heart tightened many times seeing how this toxic dualism poisoned family relationships. Gaslighting, emotional manipulation, triangulation with children - all tools of a perverse arsenal that I saw used with surgical precision.
During these observations, I found illumination in the Zen koan:
"Above, not even a tile to cover the head; below, not even an inch of earth for the foot."
This ancient teaching reveals the path of non-duality: when we do not cling to any position, when we do not fuel oppositions, the narcissist loses his power to define us through contrast.
The Wu Wei, the art of non-action in Taoism, completes this wisdom. It is not passivity, but action without forcing, a fluid movement like water that bypasses obstacles without losing its essence. I advised this approach to my friend in less critical moments: do not oppose directly but maintain one's integrity without engaging in confrontation.
True violence
However - and I learned this painfully - there is a limit to philosophy when physical and emotional safety is in danger. I saw my friend's mother reach this limit when her narcissistic husband's dualism degenerated into true violence. Her decision to report him was an act of courage that broke the cycle of chaos.
The pathological narcissist, whether man or woman, creates a closed system of suffering that requires concrete interventions. I accompanied my friend on her healing journey, seeing how the family had to rebuild itself from the emotional rubble left by years of manipulation.
Wisdom lies in understanding when Zen emotional detachment must evolve into protective action. It is not a failure of philosophy, but its natural evolution in the face of real danger. I learned that true non-duality also includes the ability to act decisively when necessary, without losing one's inner centeredness.
Healing
Healing is possible. I saw it in the resilience of my friend and her mother. It is a path that requires professional support, intervention by authorities when necessary and a deep understanding of how to transcend toxic dualism without becoming its victim.
As an observer and friend, I can testify that it is possible to emerge from the chaos of pathological narcissism. The key is to balance the Zen wisdom of non-duality with practical action when necessary, always keeping protection as a compass.
In the silence of non-duality
I observe him now, the narcissist, suspended in the void of non-duality. His hands frantically seek handholds that no longer exist, his eyes desperately scanning a horizon devoid of references. Above him, not even a tile to grasp; below, not even an inch of earth to leverage. His manipulations lose themselves in the void like echoes in a deserted valley. His attempts to create oppositions dissolve like fog in the sun.
In the silence of non-duality, his power games are like shadows projected on a nonexistent screen. He writhes and tries to generate the usual chaos, but his actions no longer find resistance, like punches thrown in the air.
AI Image by Author (Luma Dream Machine)
His spasmodic twitches, similar to the tremors of insects trapped in a web, gradually weaken, revealing the definitive crumbling of his control and manipulation.
And as I watch him dissolve into the vastness of space, I understand that true freedom lies precisely here: in the absence of every dualism, in the infinite space of Zen awareness, where neither victim nor perpetrator can any longer exist.
“Sneaker Pimp - So Far Gone”
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