The Silent Witness: Through Anxiety to Vedantic Truth
At first, I thought I was there just to support, to help. I felt strong, stable, almost invulnerable
"Only by falling into the sea can the wave become infinite; as a wave, it can never be. After becoming the sea, it can again become a wave and as large as it wants. Stop identifying with the current and know that you are free."
(Swami Vivekananda)
For years, I stood beside a dear one as she faced anxiety. I never imagined this experience would unveil such profound truths about mind and consciousness, becoming a path of spiritual revelation that continues to this day.
At first, I thought I was there just to support, to help. I felt strong, stable, almost invulnerable. What an illusion. Anxiety, like a subtle vapour, began to seep into my life, too—not immediately, not drastically, but inexorably. Paradoxically, this turned out to be the greatest gift.
An endless rumba
The first major revelation came when I began to observe how the mind, in its endless rumba, continuously created "absolute certainties" that later proved completely illusory. During the darkest states, the mind was convinced that well-being was impossible and that there would never be a way out. Yet, invariably, these states would pass, revealing the falsity of those seemingly unshakeable convictions. This was my first visceral understanding of maya, the cosmic illusion that Vedanta speaks of.
The deepest breakthrough came on a particularly difficult night. As anxiety swayed like waves in a storm, something extraordinary emerged in my awareness: there was a silent presence observing all this mental turmoil while remaining completely untouched. It wasn't a thought, wasn't an emotion. It was the pure witness, the Sakshi that Vedantic texts speak of. Like a vast sky observing clouds passing by, this presence remained unchanged through every mental state.
Stillness
This discovery of the witness wasn't a theoretical understanding. It was a direct, visceral, undeniable experience. Amid anxiety's storm, I had found the point of absolute stillness. With this discovery came a deep understanding of impermanence: I began to see how every mental state, pleasant or unpleasant, was transitory. The most terrible states would end, but so would the most pleasant ones. This understanding of impermanence was no longer just a concept; it had become a lived truth.
Another crucial teaching emerged when I discovered the value of surrendering, of yielding with wisdom. I noticed how resistance to negative states intensified them, and how the struggle itself created more suffering. When I began to surrender to the flow of experience, to allow states to be present without fighting them, I discovered a deeper peace in acceptance.
The ego, that sense of "I" that always wanted to maintain control, had to surrender in the face of this greater truth. I saw how mental states changed according to their laws, independent of the ego's attempts to control them. This realization led to a deep humility and a growing trust in life's intelligence itself.
Discernment
In this process, I also discovered the invaluable worth of buddhi, the discriminating intellect. While the ordinary mind (manas) oscillated between opposite states, buddhi could maintain a broader perspective, remembering the truth even during the most difficult moments. I learned to cultivate and trust this higher faculty of discernment, which became a precious tool for navigating life's challenges.
Perhaps one of the most touching revelations was the deep understanding of interconnection. Experience showed me how illusory the idea of separation was. The support of others wasn't just important; it was essential. Isolation worsened states, while authentic connection brought healing. This understanding gave birth to deep gratitude and genuine compassion for others' suffering.
All of this ignited an insatiable passion for studying Vedanta, a passion that fell from heaven at a moment I couldn't precisely pinpoint, and continues unabated today. The ancient texts provided a broader context for what I had discovered through direct experience. Every new teaching studied resonates with those original realizations, continuously deepening and clarifying their nature.
And…so?
The anxiety gradually dissolved, both for me and my dear one. But what remains is infinitely more precious: an embodied wisdom that continues illuminating every aspect of life. The silent witness I had discovered in those nights of anxiety revealed itself to be the key to a freedom that goes well beyond the absence of anxiety.
Today, the constant study of Vedanta continues to deepen these understandings. Each day I discover new nuances of these fundamental truths. I fondly remember the first book I read on Vedanta, “Practical Vedanta” by Swami Vivekananda, which I highly recommend. What had begun as a path to help another transformed into a discovery of the deepest essence of who we truly are. And this continues, ever richer, ever deeper, illuminated by the unchanging light of that silent presence that observes all, and understands all while remaining forever free.
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