The Tao of Disorder: Treating My Aunt’s Tidiness Obsession
A Taoist Approach to Mental Wellness
The Tao of Disorder: Treating My Aunt’s Tidiness Obsession — AI Image by Author (Bing).
Warning: The ideas in this piece come from my own time helping my aunt. Before trying these or other ways to deal with being too tidy or other mind issues, it’s very important to talk with family and see a mind doctor.
I’m not a doctor, but I’ve seen up close how being too tidy can hurt. My aunt, a great but troubled woman, lived for years under the weight of this problem. Her life was ruled by a need for things to be perfect and in control, making each day a tiring fight against what she saw as chaos.
Three months ago, I chose to try an approach based on Taoism and the idea of wu wei, plus some odd practices. Taoism is an old Chinese way of thinking that says we should live in tune with the Tao, the basic rule of the world. The Tao is often described as the natural flow of things, the hidden order of the world.
Wu Wei
Wu Wei, a key idea in Taoism, means “not doing” or better “effortless action.” But it doesn’t mean doing nothing. Instead, wu wei means acting in tune with the natural flow of the world. It’s the art of moving through life with grace and success, without pushing too hard or trying to control too much.
I didn’t think it would work wonders, but I felt it was worth a try. What I didn’t guess was how intense, hard, and surprisingly healing this journey would be for me too.
Our path has been, and still is, a huge task. Every day is hard, every small step forward comes from hours of work, deep talks, and times of feeling upset. But it’s in this struggle that we’ve found a new sense of being close and having a purpose.
Practice
I made a special practice for my aunt. Every time she feels she must tidy up, I tell her to:
1. Give herself a soft touch, to show she accepts herself.
2. Hold a small medal with the Tao sign, I donated to her.
3. Say: “All things always change. Things are where they should be. I don’t control anything, I don’t have that power.”
But we didn’t stop there. I brought in other practices to help her “mess up” her mind and get used to chaos safely.
One of the best ways was teaching her not to react when others try to upset her. I said that being quiet can be a strong form of wu wei, a way to save her energy and keep peace inside. At first, she found it very hard not to react, but over time she began to feel the freedom that comes from not feeling she has to answer everything.
Using “trashy” Instagram
Also, I urged her to get her mind used to space and quiet. We started with short times of silent thinking, slowly making them longer. This practice turned out to be key in helping her handle the worry that often comes with being too tidy.
One of the odd, but surprisingly good, moves was telling her to follow two or three really “trashy” Instagram pages during her daily scrolling. The only rule was that she should try not to judge what she saw, no matter how weird or rude it seemed. This task was meant to slowly get her mind used to not “roaring” when faced with mess and chaos, and to stay more “on a leash.”
At first, my aunt was confused by this request. “How can looking at rude things help me with my tidiness problem?” she asked. I explained that the goal was to train her mind to stay calm and not judge even when seeing things that would normally upset her. Over time, she began to see how this odd practice helped.
Tao Te Ching
“It’s strange,” she told me one day, “but after seeing all those weird things on Instagram, having a book out of place on the table doesn’t seem so bad anymore.”
Along with these practices, we kept reading and talking about the Tao Te Ching, a pillar of Taoism, twice a week. These times became the heart of our journey, a chance to think deeply about Taoism’s ideas and how to use them in daily life.
Progress has been slow and not straight. There have been days of feeling upset, and times when it seemed we were going backwards. But we kept going, remembering that even steps back are part of the path.
After three months of hard, steady work, the first results, though small, began to show. My aunt left dishes in the sink all night without feeling bad. She let her son play in the living room without rushing to clean up immediately. These are small steps, but big wins for us.
Surprised
What surprised me most in this journey is how healing it’s been for me too. In trying to help my aunt, I found a new depth in my link to Taoism.
As an old Taoist verse said to be from Lao Tzu goes:
“The wise one acts without doing,
teaches without speaking.
Things come and go,
he lets them come and go.
He makes, but doesn’t own,
acts, but doesn’t expect.
When his work is done, he forgets it.
That’s why it lasts forever.”
This verse shows what wu wei is about: an action that flows on its own, without clinging or trying too hard. The road ahead of us is still long. My aunt’s need to be too tidy hasn’t gone away like magic, and I doubt it ever will fully. But now we have tools to handle it, to live with it more peacefully. More importantly, we’ve found a new way to relate, both to the world outside and to ourselves.
And..so?
If you’re thinking about starting a like this with someone you care for, know that it takes a lot of work and an open mind. There are no quick fixes. There will be times of doubt, feeling upset, and even hopelessness. But there will also be times of deep connection, sudden understanding, and shared joy that makes every effort worth it.
As I look to the future, I’m full of hope and thanks. Hope for my aunt’s ongoing progress, and thanks for the lessons this journey is teaching us both. In every mindful breath, in every moment of not acting, we are finding together the deep wisdom of the Tao.
And so, step by step, breath by breath, we keep on our path to inner freedom, led by the soft light of Wu Wei.
Warning: I remind you again that this is a personal practice I suggested to my aunt. Before trying these or other methods, it’s crucial to talk with family and see a professional mind doctor for proper review and help.
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